Mired in Goop

We’ve written a lot of articles on what is good in the world of adult products. Now we will take a look at what is not so good. Bad even. You might even call some of them scary. Our very first post was about general product categories that we would not review because they were either dangerous or did not work as advertised. You can read about them in Products We Won’t Review.

The queen of pseudoscience crap in the sex product market is Gwyneth Paltro and her company Goop. We first wrote about her in Terrifying New Sex Products. That was awhile ago, but she continues to put out products of dubious safety and efficacy and at prices that seem to be that high just to make sure you are a complete sucker. We’ll just do a quick roundup of some of her worst offerings.

Madame Ovary is described as a “combination of products featuring herbs, adaptogens, phytonutrients, and vitamins is tailored for women approaching, in the throes of, or just past menopause.” It costs $90. Per month. You can get a subscription for $75 a month. I have known a number of women who have struggled with menopause and desperately wanted an answer.

For this one I turn to my favorite ob/gyn Dr. Jen Gunter. She explains on her blog that the 8,000 IU of Vitamin A is medically unwarranted and potentially unsafe, and might even be a cancer risk. Then there is the Green Tea Extract, which can put your liver at risk. There is also a lot of Vitamin B12. Why? Who knows?

Black Cohosh is said to be helpful with menopause, but a review of 16 studies found insufficient evidence to support those claims. I found this quote from the study interesting: “Such trials need to give greater consideration to the use of other important outcomes (such as quality of life, bone health, night sweats and cost-effectiveness), stringent study design and the quality reporting of study methods.” So maybe, but also maybe not, as most of the studies were poorly done.

You can read the more detailed science on Jen’s blog, but the bottom line is that there is no medical evidence that this stuff will help with menopause. It will help with Goop’s bottom line though. The main problem is that it is sold as a supplement, and thanks to Senator Orrin Hatch, whose son owned a supplement company, supplements are dangerously unregulated. They can make whatever ridiculous claim they want as long as they put in tiny lettering somewhere “These claims have not been evaluated by the FDA.” In other words, the claims of many supplements have no evidence that they do what they claim, including Madame Ovary.

They have 3 Goop approved lubes. One is from Sliquid Organics and we generally like their products. The other I never heard of, and both are Aloe Based. What concerned me is their Province Apothecary Sex Oil. It is coconut oil based. While any oil based lubes are fine for masturbation, we do not recommend them for vaginal penetration. Oil based lubes destroy sex toys and condoms. Coconut oil specifically has never been tested for safety as a personal lubricant. There are claims that it could disrupt the vagina’s natural pH balance and cause a yeast infection, Also, some people are really allergic to it. Did I also mention it stains your sheets? It would not be our first choice for a lubricant. Plus, it is $28 for 4 ounces. That is around three times what most lubes cost.

They also sell sex toys. They have Smile Makers vibes, a U.K. brand I am unfamiliar with. They were created by two male Swedish entrepreneurs with no prior background is sex toys. With their line of toys, including The Millionaire (others are named after other “female” fantasies), you get four hours from a single AAA battery. We have not tested these, but $55 is pricey for a removable battery vibe, and with those specs, there is simply not enough battery power to give it the oomph that many people are looking for. For comparison, a Pocket Rocket, a popular clitoral vibe, uses a AA battery. I just do not see how this could not seem under powered.

If you think that you or your favorite vagina needs more, they do have a gold plated vibrator that requires you to be an actual millionaire- it costs $3,490.00. It is made by Lelo and is called the Olga, and I am assuming it is engraved on the side with “I am an idiot and have too much money.” I am not a fan of Lelo products and we do not review them for a variety of reasons that would take too long to go into here.

Some of the products they sell are from reliable companies that do make good products, but they are also available elsewhere. You might want to make your purchases at that elsewhere place, where they won’t have a long history of dangerously bad sex advice and products, like Goop’s infamous Jade Eggs for vaginas for which the Orange County District Attorney’s Office forced them to pay $145,000 in restitution. That was just for the more than 50 problematic health claims on Goop’s site, and did not even address the issue that putting something porous like jade in your vagina could lead to toxic shock syndrome or bacterial vaginosis. Before buying anything from Goop, I strongly suggest you read Dr. Gunter’s study on all 161 Goop products for pseudoscience, as well as her follow-up.

Gwynneth Paltrow is a fine actress, but she does not understand science and has no background in it. Otherwise, she would not be promoting crackpottery like coffee enemas and vaginal steaming. Actual scientists and doctors have been decrying her pseudoscience claims for years. My personal opinion is that she is not a con artist but rather such a narcissist that she believes that she knows better than actual doctors and scientists, which would make her even more dangerous. Plus, not knowing actual science is making her even more wealthy.